Sacral Chakra : Swadisthana

One major detail regarding Chakras: They are energetic centers. (see subtle body) The energy within a chakra can be in deficiency, surplus, or balanced and free flowing. Don’t know where to begin? Read Chakras- At-A-Glance.

Image result for swadhisthana

Swadhisthana Chakra: Second Chakra: Sacral Chakra. The Sanskrit name SWADHISTHANA translates to “my own dwelling-place.

It is located at the genitals and connected to reproduction, the development of personality, imagination, and sexuality.

The color of the SWADHISTHANA is orange: the color of passion and fire. It is everything that lights the way to our most natural way of being and also that which we let stand in our way of being free.

SWADHISTHANA is associated with the tattva water and is life-giving and deeply connected to the fluidity of and between emotions.

The six petals of SWADHISTHANA indicate the presence of the six nadis that run through this energy center. The SACRAL CHAKRA holds a crescent moon at its base formed by two different-sized circles, one inside the other. It is here that the nadis awaken all of our creative pursuits/duties. (Dharma)


The Makara or crocodile is a water loving reptile. Makara has a strong sexual power and is known for its deceptive ways as a hunter. The saying, ‘To shed crocodile tears,’ is used to remark on the displaying of false emotion for manipulative gain.

A balanced SACRAL Chakra is when one embodies the creative and constructive mentality that,

‘We ourselves create that from which we suffer and we alone are the solution.’ 

SWADHISTHANA is a beautiful lake filled with both the disgusting muck and precious gems of the self. When you’re ready, only you can unearth your true self. We can often see clearly what is in someone else’s lake, but this is avoiding the great responsibility of the SACRAL Chakra.

The SACRAL Chakra holds the empty feeling that can be crippling to some people’s entire lives. The void that some cannot bear, even if it means spending time with themselves, or trusting who they are. It is listening to the truths that come from within. All of our intuition, all of our illusion or disillusion that persists, our sexual hang-ups or the indulgences we pursue.

 The SACRAL Chakra is the center of all of our pleasure and all of the guilt that surrounds our traits and desires. With this chakra we have the tendency to create pain and pleasure dynamics.

What’s that? Where we seek one thing to avoid another.

This is not making a choice. Guilt is the predominant blocking emotion for the SACRAL CHAKRA. It is only when we can sit and endure the discomfort of our old subconscious ways of being that we can lift anger, disappointment, and regret.The only solution is to create a new way of being.

As long as we are at war with ourselves and caught in internal dilemmas we are avoiding self-acceptance and disconnected to the Divine Self.

“Between the banks of Pain and Pleasure, the river of life flows. It is only when the mind refuses to flow with life and gets stuck in the banks that it becomes a problem.”

-Nisargadatta Maharaj

If your SACRAL CHAKRA is blocked :

  • You have submitted to the distressing conditions of the material world.
  • Your expression is repressed or limited and at times you feel powerless.
  • You question your sense of belonging, sanity,  health and will.

Symptoms may include:

  • Experience mood swings with fluctuations of the moon.
  • Inability to handle emotions. You may become cold or clingy due to depression, low self-esteem, insecurity, detachment, jealousy, or fear.
  • Constipation
  • Back pain
  • Urinary and kidney infections
  • Gynecological cysts
  • Abnormal menstruation
  • Infertility
  • Lack of sexual interest or ability

If your SACRAL CHAKRA is over-active:

If your sacral chakra is overactive, there is an excess of energy that is not freely flowing. This abundance will cause you to look for or create conflict, by developing a combative personality where anxiety, arrogance, or mania sustains unhealthy relationships. You may form excessive attachments to compensate for deep insecurities. Often, you will be unaware of how you behave in relationships as you are being driven by the subconscious.

Symptoms may include:

  • cysts
  • urinary issues
  • kidney problems
  • lower back pain
  • gynecological problems
  • anxiety
  • mania
  • aggressiveness
  • arrogance

Many individuals push through the discomfort of the SACRAL Chakra by procreating. But it is my belief that we are only truly ready to create new life, after we have overcome this restlessness to develop a new awareness, one that goes beyond societal conditioning and expectations.

Balancing your SACRAL CHAKRA.

Connect with the moon when meditating with SWADHISTHANA: Use the lunar energy to remember that duality exists in everything. The luminosity of the moon is only possible because it reflects the Sun. That is the inherent beauty of duality: focusing on one eliminates the opposite. Dark and light cannot exist together, just as joy and sadness, too, cancel each other out. As you inhale and exhale, think of your personality as you relate to others. In an effort to have balanced interactions with people, one must rid themselves of jealousy and greed as well as insecurity and control. The SACRAL Chakra is connected to the seed syllable of  “VANG.” Use this seed syllable and pranayama to free the flow of energy between the first and second chakra. 

  • Surround yourself with Orange-colored items or foods
  • If crystal energy is helpful for you try: orange carnelian, citrine, or amber jewelry
  • Try Aromatherapy with Ylang-Ylang or Sandalwood

If your SACRAL Chakra is Balanced:

You will see this world as an arena for personal evolution and to perpetually gain self-awareness. With a balanced SWADHISTHANA you will avoid the illusions of the material world. You will avoid useless cycles of blindly seeking to fulfill physical desires and instead pursue spiritual experiences.





Root Chakra : Muladhara

One major detail regarding Chakras: They are energetic centers. (see subtle body) The energy within a chakra can be in deficiency, surplus, or balanced and free flowing. Don’t know where to begin? Read Chakras- At-A-Glance.


Muladhara: First Chakra: Root or Base Chakra. The Sanskrit name MULADHARA translates to “foundation.” It is found at the base of our spine where Kundalini: the coiled serpent – our divine energy and vital force rests.

MULADHARA is associated with Earth colors, so everything from yellow to a deep red. Having Earth as its dominant Tattva (Element) this chakra is unique as it combines water, fire, air, and space. It literally is everything we need to grow.

  • The symbol of the root chakra is composed of a four-petaled lotus flower, often stylized as a square within a circle and an inverted triangle.
  • This triangle represents our spirit grounding with Mother Earth and invoking the powers of Kundalini. She may be dormant but prepared to lead the pathway to Samadhi: Enlightenment. She alone distributes energy to all other chakras. 

Image result for airavata, elephant, seven trunks

  • The animal associated with MULADHARA is a seven-trunked elephant named Arivata. Each one of Arivata’s trunks represents our seven human aspects, the seven chakras, the seven colors of the rainbow, and the seven notes in an octave: essentially the completion of harmony waiting for activation. 

The ROOT Chakra is when seed becomes plant; when stillness becomes movement. It is important to think of roots as we know it in the physical plant world. Roots are underground and out of sight (for the most part) and where plants retrieve all of their vitals. Like plants, this chakra is the place where the karma of our past lives reside and have the potential to emotionally charge our behavior in the physical world.

MULADHARA provides the foundation on which we build our life. The condition of our ROOT Chakra directly relates to and determines our feeling of safety and security and aspects like food and shelter. It is the interface between:

  • Your Spirit
  • Your Physical body
  • The Material world

A balanced ROOT Chakra is when one embodies ABHAYA:  To live fearlessly.

“Risk” does not exist out there independent of our minds and culture, waiting to be measured. Human beings have invented the concept of “risk” to help them understand and cope with the dangers and uncertainties of life. Although these dangers are real, there is no such thing as “real risk” or “objective risk.”

-Daniel Kahneman from “Thinking, Fast and Slow”

If your ROOT Chakra is blocked :

Your expression is repressed or limited as you have submitted to the distressing conditions of the material world as they have made you feel powerless. You question your sense of belonging, sanity, health and will. Symptoms may include:

  • Constant Tiredness
  • Depression with great fluctuations of moods
  • Suicidal feelings
  • Defensive or Anxious behavior
  • Obesity – Emotional eating
  • Addiction – Emotional Triggers
  • Low sexual libido or Infertility problems
  • Lower back pain
  • Constipation or Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)
  • Stress which affects the back and shoulders
  • Insomnia or difficult sleeping patterns
  • Victim / Martyr  Mentality

If your ROOT Chakra is over-active:

You may form excessive attachments to compensate for deep insecurities. Your thinking and behavior may become fixed and rigid to avoid change. You may attempt to possess or control others around you and become impatient or angry, materialistic or greedy if and when you perceive threat. Side note: you perceive threat often when there is none.

Symptoms may include:

  • Unrealistic self-imposed demands and needs
  • Living in Excess
  • Needing drama or complications to feel stimulated
  • Stress-seeking
  • Addiction
  • Complicated or unhealthy relationships

Balancing your ROOT Chakra:

When meditating with MULADHARA it is important to keep a fixed gaze on the tip of your nose. The ROOT CHAKRA is connected to the seed syllable of  “LANG.” Visualize a square shape of your lips as you begin the make the “L” sound pressing the tip of your tongue firmly to roof of your mouth sealing off the top of that square. This vibration forces energy and power to your skull, nadis, and neurons of the brain. Let the mouth open as you continue with the seed syllable, progressing to the “ANG” part of the sound. The open movement of your lips to the “G” sound at the end will seal off the bottom part of the square and visually help you to see that you are pushing your energy down to awaken Kundalini. 

  • Grounding Exercises internally and externally

Grounding is more for Over-active MULADHARA

  • Hip Opening asanas

Hip-Opening is more for Blocked MULADHARA

If your ROOT CHAKRA is Balanced:

You will see this world as an arena for personal evolution and to perpetually gain self-awareness. You are willing to unleash your creative power in order to accelerate the awakening of all beings sharing this planet.

With a balanced MULADHARA, you will avoid the illusion that the material world is real or permanent. You will become aware of how little impact your physical desires have on the evolution of your mind-body-exchange that you will instead pursue spiritual experiences.





Heart Chakra : Anahata

One major detail regarding Chakras: They are energetic centers. (see subtle body) The energy within a chakra can be in deficiency, surplus, or balanced and free flowing. Don’t know where to begin? Read Chakras- At-A-Glance.

Image result for anahataAnahata: The Fourth Chakra: The Heart Chakra. The Sankskrit word ANAHATA translates to “unstruck sound” which is not only the pulse of the heart but also the very first vibration. This cosmic sound is OM. It is the sound of all things, A name we all answer to.

The HEART Chakra is located in the center of our chest and is associated with green and sometimes pink. ANAHATA’s tattva is air, prana, and the life-giving element of oxygen.

  • The 6-pointed star, hexagram, also known as Shaktona of ANAHATA is formed by two intersecting triangles.The entanglement of these triangles highlight the unity of matter and spirit coming together. The upward triangle represents Shiva, and the downward Shakti. Together, their union symbolizes the opportunity we all have to raise our consciousness.

  • The twelve petals of the lotus in the HEART Chakra represent the essential principles for all relationships:


  1. Purity
  2. Joy
  3. Peace
  4. Kindness
  5. Patience
  6. Understanding
  7. Clarity
  8. Compassion
  9. Forgiveness
  10. Bliss
  11. Harmony
  12. Love


anahata with antelopeThe animal associated with ANAHATA is the deer or a black antelope. This animal is extremely sensitive to their surrounding. They gracefully leap through the air with joy and are a symbol of purity.

“Love does not exclude, it embraces. If a person does not love something outside himself, then very simply he does not love himself. Love expands: It not only sees more and enfolds more, it causes its objects to bloom.”     – Hugh Prather

Perceptions from the HEART Chakra are finely tuned and all-encompassing. A balanced ANAHATA embodies:

  • The Source of All Creation: you care for and respect all livings beings.

  • Universal Love: You are filled with infinite compassion and wisdom to see love in everyone. 

ANAHATA is the source of our inner light. Artistic talent is honed in the HEART CHAKRA and it is from this center that we extend beauty, tenderness, and affection to the world, and by the powers of OM, we can communicate directly to the hearts of others.

“There are two ways to spread light:

Be the candle or the mirror that reflects that light everywhere.”

– Edith Wharton

The element of the HEART CHAKRA is AIR.

When working with ANAHATA, this CHAKRA forces us to take on the qualities of air, meaning we MUST see ourselves in everyone and everything.

  • Be light on your feet (not fixed/rigid, flexible)

  • Lighten your thoughts and lighten your heart

  • Elevate the spirit of your internal dialogue

  • Enlighten your experience with self-discovery

 If your HEART CHAKRA is blocked:

ANAHATA, like the subconscious, houses unresolved experiences and karmas of the past – all that complicates the way we express love. The worst part is that none of this is on a conscious level.

Spiritual wounds can be worse than physical ones because they have the tendency to reverse our evolution. The heart is meant to love others, as much, if not more than we love ourselves.   

Un-examined and painful wounds of disappointment can dim our light and in such a way that it may go unnoticed. And as a prisoner of our own confusion, we may find that we are literally sitting in the dark and reacting to- A THING – you do not even understand or remember.

None of this is real.

Symptoms may include:

  • Attachment
  • Sadness
  • Anger
  • Insecurity
  • Emotional Instability
  • Jealousy
  • Resentment

Margot Fonteyn said “The one important thing I have learned over the years is the difference between taking one’s work seriously and taking one’s self seriously. The first is imperative and the second is disastrous.” Know the difference.

“If one loves himself he can also abandon himself; he can throw himself on the wind because he is safe.”   -Hugh Prather

If your HEART CHAKRA is over-active:

If and when someone asks you to point to yourself, your index finger goes straight to your HEART Chakra. ANAHATA is so closely connected to emotions of love and lust, the how we want to be close and stay close to others and why it feels good. Symptoms that there may be too much energy in this chakra include: 

  • You love too deeply and smother the object of your affection

This is dangerous as you can be subject to the ill-will of others who wish to control you, or you yourself may become controlling.

  • You may be ruled by your emotions

Do you hold on too tightly to the memory of painful experiences? Do you spend time thinking and feeling unhappiness or sadness brought on by thought?

You may not have a sense of where you stand as an individual and because of this substantiate unhealthy relationships in your life. 

  • Loving too many people and too frequently without any discretion
  • Lack of boundaries in friendships and intimate relationships
  • Losing your sense of identity
  • Giving in to the demands of others
  • Codependency

Physical symptoms of an overactive heart chakra may be:

  • Heart and circulatory problems like high blood pressure, heart palpitations, and heart attack
  • Lung issues

Balancing your HEART Chakra:

The goals in regulating the flow of energy in ANAHATA is to find discernment. Can you love and respect everyone but not take everyone into the sacred space which should be reserved for only the few?

From an easy seated position you can make the sound “YANG” with your tongue suspended and resting in your mouth. The vibrations from the “Y” sound made by the back of the throat will reach down to the heart and begin to open ANAHATA. Continue to meditate, using your breath and envision energy with both  male and female elements flowing from your heart in all directions. Use the color green or the twelve petals of the lotus in this HEART Chakra yantra as a symbol for your actions, that you emanate from a place of love to all with love. Chanting OM can be helpful as that is the sound that begins in the heart but is present everywhere.

  • Pingali-Nādī, a pranayama (breathing exercise) clarifies our consciousness and unites the male with the female elements. Nādī Shodhana (Alternate Nostril Breathing) unites our emotions and intellect, but also aids in the circulation of oxygenated blood.

Control over our breath re-calibrates our pranic flow and heart rate simultaneously. Here, we use the physical to tap into the metaphysical. 

  • Recognize every living being as a piece of you

  • Wear & Eat Green colored things
  • Exercise to improve Cardiovascular Health.

If your HEART CHAKRA is Balanced:

Love, at all moments, is the highest expression of freedom not possession. Love is understanding not righteousness. At no point should a commitment to love bring us sadness. Security and satisfaction comes from within, not from another. We are not owed anything in return for giving love, and we shall not succumb to the demands of our loved ones. 


With an open and balanced ANAHATA, love and light radiate from the inner self and immediately seek and find the love and light in others. Namaste



Chakras At a Glance

Imagine a deck of cards shuffling before you.. Each card represents an idea, a challenge or circumstance, a style, a certain way of thinking, mannerisms, determination and doubt, some narrative that repeats, lessons you have learned and pass to others, the stories you tell. This is your hand. In essence, this is your life. Every day, if you try, is a day to draw another card into your hand. You have the chance for endless combinations. How will these new cards interact with what you are already holding and like all good card games, you get to discard.

7 chakras.jpg

The chakras is a story of becoming – the building of a perfect hand. Or a tale of waking Kundalini : aka moving her through 7 energetic centers.

Kundalini, represented by a snake, is the spiritual energy which lies dormant in all of us. Practitioners of Kundalini Yoga emphasize that Meditation, Pranayama, Kriyas and Asana are a means to cultivate this energy and transform it into Divine Consciousness.

Why would a snake represent consciousness?

Because a snake can literally shed its skin and re-create itself. This animal embodies the ultimate design of renewal: releasing that which blocks growth. It seems so obvious now that it would be a snake, right? Duh.

redroot.jpg1. Okay, so this snake, aka our unconsciousness as she has not woken just yet. (The things we have no idea about- past lives shit- cruel karmic stuff) is located in MULADHARA. (the 1st or Root Chakra). Root as in the lowest spot if we are seated. It is the stuff we think we need, the source of our greed and impatience. Wait, why is our unconscious resting in our anus? Who put it there? Why would the constant burning yearning desire for for things like food and shelter be sitting in my ass, perhaps making me act like an asshole? Hmmm…


orangewater22. The subconscious (the things we feel, but really don’t understand- aka memories and trauma) is caught up in SWADISTHANA (the 2nd or Sacral Chakra.) So, all of our feel good- ice cream truck song memories- as well as the really fucked up shit we’ve been through is bottled up in our genitals. That’s right our subconscious feelings, every last emotion, all of our water-like qualities are in touch with our reproductive hormones. Whaaat? My trauma is connected to my baby-maker? FUCK. To boot, this is a circular chakra with, as you guessed it, cyclical movement, the habits and routines- some are totally crazy and others mundane. Our apathy and indifference, our uproar and mania, that mistake we can’t stop making is all here in our sexuality. The things we just accept, the “Fair-Enoughs” of the world. If we never move Kundalini past this point, we run the risk of experiencing a life that can’t get deeper than the surface or learn from a mistake. Do you want all the beauty of this world and all of your transformative power to be out of reach? Probably not.

yellowfire.jpg3. Kundalini is kind of awake in MANIPURA (the 3rd or Solar Plexus Chakra.) She’s tossing and turning pulling the covers off, exposing her position now in the belly-button. From the gut of your experience, consciousness is preparing, stretching, and beginning to rise. Do you think critically about the shit you’re going through or are you a zombie? Whatever you do, don’t go full zombie. This is the place of your instinctual sensation. Any last one of us can slip into old habits if we’re not careful to avoid blind reaction, if we’re not diligent to take a moment and be conscious. At this point, we are slowly advancing, generating the willpower to make the day and life as we want it, but are we strong enough? Do we have the confidence or would we rather just stay sleeping? How lazy are you? Did you just hit snooze three times? Really? Three times. Also, didn’t you say you weren’t going to drink last night? Don’t be pathetic. But we’re not pathetic. We know we have to wake up. We know what the day will bring. We’ve made our lists- We’ve got our flippy-floppys! You are adjusting to the light and with a squint you and Kundalini have accepted the duty as consciousness. We acknowledge what we are and what we’re not and that it takes all kinds, but above all else, to thine own self be true.

anahata with eight petals inside4. Finally, Kundalini becomes animated in ANAHATA (the 4th or Heart chakra) and we are upright. Extending in all directions, you open your chest to roll out the neck and shoulders. She unfolds to the beat of your heart and you too are filled with an expansive feeling of happiness and love. She moves in contractions which if you’ve seen any birthing scene, has intense pain followed by incredible relief and clearing. Often when finding compassion with others, we have to first start with ourselves. It is no mistake that flight attendants tell us to first secure our own mask before assisting others. In order to find your rhythm you have to get out of  your own way. Dancing does not to begin with thinking, instead you have to be light on your toes and lightly pervade everything. Here your consciousness is a sense of peace and grace, and by grace I mean you care and respect for all living things. All things? Ahimsa? Yes, even that guy. You’re limited by nothing, not even that guy…. Do you see how once you elevate yourself, you become untouchable? Oxygenated blood flows in abundance circulating and vitalizing the entire system with compassion and creativity and with each breath cycle you magnetize more energy to move or dance. 😉

blue purification5. What would creativity and compassion be if it wasn’t shouted into the world and communicated directly to the hearts of everyone sharing this experience. Kundalini uses our throats in VISSHUDI (the 5th or Throat chakra) to give sound to our thoughts. The beat from our heart turns into song here. The vibration of our vocal chords purifies thoughts and we become compelling. Say whaaat? If and only if we have tapped into our truth, understood the art of silence, and acknowledged the connection to everything around us. If and only if, I learn to take pleasure in vulnerability and communicate in every experience with the intention of making it a spiritual one, will I find my voice. And, when we do we can literally bring people together and create reality. And like Kundalini, we become magical, matching our outsides with our insides. Nothing stands in your way, as you are part of everything, having embodied all the elements, and can will every thing into cooperation. Boom!

thirdeyevision.png6. Wholly complete, the consciousness gazes out onto the horizon from AJNA (The 6th or Third Eye Chakra.) Maybe it’s not a horizon, maybe it’s a planetary view, or the eyes of a dog or maybe its a horrific scary scene, your worst nightmare in fact, things you don’t want to know, can’t handle or aren’t ready for. One simply can’t predict Third Eye visions but active listening is required for good communication, and active living is required for contentment. You must be part of the process particularly if you seek enlightenment. You must be your own GuRu – Out of the Darkness and into the light. Without effort from you, Kundalini will stay coiled until you’re ready to explore AND utilize your spiritual energy. You have to apply wisdom and Viveka, the discernment of reality from unreality. Our two physical eyes see the past and the present, while the Third Eye reveals the future. And together, it is God. It is the God in you. It is waking the God that has been in you and opening his or her eye in the middle of your eyebrows. You were born with it right there all along and never even knew.

WAIT… Hold the fuck on! A snake, named Kundalini, that happens to be resting in my ass will eventually wake up, move through my sexuality, my instinct, my heart, give my my voice and then take me to meet God through the visions of my Third Eye – the connection to the Divine Consciousness? And I have to make sense out of all of it? I have to be the one to say what is real and what is not? Yes. Fuck. The body will function of course without cultivating this awareness BUT you will inevitably remain unconscious. (FULL ZOMBIE)

whitepurplelight.jpg7. Kundalini is calmly smelling the air around her as she is erect at SAHASRARA (The 7th and Crown Charka) This is it. That bridge is finally complete. Construction is over. The last piece of the puzzle has been pressed down and smoothed over. Your connection to the future has been finalized, well not even, it’s the future past and present in one experience. Time slows down and you become aware of how everything is completely interwoven, now that time can’t play tricks on your experience. It is all one. You are living and trusting, trusting because you are alive and alive because you have faith that this life is exactly what it is supposed to be. This is living meditation. This is Bliss.









I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues

I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues

By: Tiffany L Fuentes

I got my period today. It is the first time in three months and I am nauseous and probably will be for the next ten days. I don’t want to hang out with Brian tonight. I’ve already told him no, but now he is here standing outside my work, holding this piece of paper. Someone comes to the back of the restaurant where I am hiding.

“Your boyfriend is here.”

No shit. Who could miss his lanky, balding, Simple sneaker-wearing, fingernail chewing, laugh like a retard face, peeking in here, like there are window displays, or as if it’s under renovation and his curiosity lives close by. It’s a restaurant. We serve food and the people here eat on tables while sitting on chairs. I walk outside to greet his oh so eager blue eyes.

“What are you doing here?”

“I am coming to see you silly.” He is smiling, but something about it is strange.

I feel nauseous, not silly, but humor him at his suggestion anyway. I make a few more roll-ups before wiping down saltshakers, and then use him for the ride home. He waits. In the time it takes for us to get to the West Side, I remembered the story he told me when I asked him about the girl he saw before me. I didn’t really care about the girl or his whereabouts before me. I have little concern for those truths, but someone told me those questions filter out freaks and weirdos from the people we meet. But this advisor hadn’t prepared me on how to interpret the answers and make sense of the filtering. Brian’s story was about a woman that he had kissed once after two dates. He built the story up by giving me suspenseful details about their interactions before they kissed but not the actual kiss. At the time I understood the cringe of indecision and excitement, but then he fell flat when he told me that after the kiss happened she fled from him, furious that the entire thing had happened. What was I to say when he told me this? And why was I thinking of it now as he drove me home from work?

I swelled in the breasts and belly, the wind hitting my shirt from the open window was painful against my chest. All I wanted was to lay down with my feet up, maybe even watch something, dare I say silly, on television, but he had other plans in mind. All of this paraded on the stage of my mind as Elton john sang why they call it the blues in his Sundance.

“Were you going to tell me you were cheating on me?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He slammed a folded piece of paper against my thigh. I open it to read a string of emails.

“This one wants to get drinks with you, and this one said they had fun the other night, and who the fuck is Seth, you guys are emailing about taking photos.” I asked him where in all of this did it say that I was cheating on him. I got no response.

“Why would you need to email with other men if you’re with me?”

“My feelings are right here in front of you. You don’t need to search through emails to see how I feel.” I must have left it open on his computer. God knows we didn’t live together. I didn’t need an advisor for that.

“Why are you checking up on me anyway? What have I done to give you the impression that I am cheating on you?”

“I didn’t think it until I saw all of this.”

“You checked my inbox, and what do you know? You found emails. What did you think you were going to find?”

“No, What do you think about this?”

I wasn’t cheating on him, but I didn’t care if he thought I was. I didn’t want to be with him, and I guess that’s why they call it the blues just ended. These are the kinds of things that make a person go crazy. Or maybe it grants a crazy the opportunity to go sane. It isn’t just about jealousy, this kind of modern dating bullshit is rooted in self-consumption and some fucking mommy issue he wasn’t aware of never mind able to self-disclose. This was a relationship crossroad that demanded immediate action: to talk about it, or not.

But the fight is never on the heart of the matter. Brian is a selfish lover and maybe I didn’t want to necessarily or even temporarily write him off. He isn’t always a selfish lover, but he’s lazy, and it kills me that this awful quality finds its way to the bedroom. I could spend maybe ten or twelve minutes seducing him with kisses and licks on his neck and upper back, waking him from the twenty minutes he may have spent drifting to sleep lying next to me. And after all of that squirming and boyish moans of enjoyment, he props me on top of him, but not so he can touch me, just so he can line my organ up with his to go in raw. Several times I have offered warning words with a smile.

“Oh you are so spoiled.”

Sometimes I do let him in for a minute or two. It’s the reward I have been known to give when he’s worked for it, showing me love all over. And he does, after the proper amount of attention deserve to be inside without anything between us. I cave for a small amount of time and with an eject and sitting-to-kneeling-shift, he gets up to grab a condom and it’s peeled on. He gets on top but doesn’t even know that he’s already about to enter, instead he touches himself knocking us out of prime positioning. His hands are shaky. I rock my hips to get us back on track, but before I can even get it all the way in, he’s already got all of his weight on me trying to get to my belly with his dick.

What do I think about it? I think it sucks, but do I want to teach him all the ways he could have tried to be a better lover. No, absolutely not. Do I want to talk about it? Not really, unless it’s something that interests his brain, but we both know that nothing about this is actually being thought out by his brain. So now we have entry and I’m making a face that isn’t the fuck me face he is looking for and he asks, “What?” while still trying and doing it all wrong, as if now is a good time to talk about his bedside manner.

Should I say: “You know when you do that thing, oh yea that, that thing you’re doing right now, stop it. I don’t like it when you do that thing. And I can hear it now, the lame response that lies in waiting, “But that’s what I always do,” or worse, “I didn’t do anything.”

Well, yes that part is true, but how does that make you feel, because I thought I was the one who had strong feelings on that detail. I could say: “It’s not your fault, you are just lazy,” but that’s passive aggressive and unnecessary.

I could be sarcastically empathetic and say something like, ‘It is too bad that they cut the perfect sexing-is-fun afters program for losers like you, where you could stay back a year and just practice. But these are the breaks Brian, there is only now.’ Now, the moment he’s accusing me of cheating, seems like a good a time as any to end things.

No guessing: This is why they call it the blues.

Step 1: Create a Blue-Print for your life.

On May 1, I gave you  “Spring into Action.” 

Did you take it? Did you make your changes, stick to your word like you said you would. It’s been four weeks, what can you say you have committed to since then? Do you feel lost, like you need direction? Is it hard to stay focused or keep your eye on the prize?

original- blueprint

I’ve made a 12-step approach. Lookout for #loyalty, next in the series.

1. BLUEPRINT:      Achievement = Talent + Preparation

The number 12 represents a full cycle of experience and the possibility of regeneration toward a higher-consciousness. 12 represents the learning process and  warns of the necessity to be alert to every situation, reminding you of sacrifice as a means to acquiring knowledge and wisdom on both Spiritual and Intellectual levels.

Blueprint: Our Starting Point. Now that you are ready to move forward into a direction, you need a plan. [Err, maybe you personally don’t like to plan. Maybe they confine you and your energy.. If that is you, then you do not need a plan, but you do need prioritization: What the rest of us call plans.]  

We all have our blueprint, our own program that we bring with us to this life on Earth. In order to become fully balanced, we will have to return to our most basic program. Find quiet time. Sit with yourself, and stay long enough to hear all of your worries and mental chatter play out without any busy body movement to distract you. Close your eyes and see what silence looks like.

  • What is your vision?
  • What do you want to spend more time doing?
  • What is important?
  • Who in your world is invaluable?
  • How can you be more present and grateful for the life that you have? What do you wish you could be around all day long?
  • How can you explore your heart’s inspirations and be financially stable?
  • How can you be more you and less what the world is demanding of you? 

It can be said, “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there,” but the logic in me wonders about specificity.

How can we be purposeful, efficient, and exacting if we’re spread in so many directions?

“A Jack of All Trades is a Master of None.”

Can we do a task well if we’re always multi-tasking?

The energy of a blueprint helps you purify your ideas, deletes the constructs that don’t suit you and releases what no longer has a purpose. Through meditation, or even reverse engineering and process of elimination – you shall get closer to defining your blueprint. It’s shape, color, and purpose. This is the structure your efforts need, this is what will outline, support, and define you as the master of your project.

IF YOU CHECKED OUT AND YOU’RE SAYING SOMETHING LIKE,                     “YEA I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT [SHIT].”Image result for blueprint

  • LET THESE PHRASES SIT SIDE BY SIDE IN YOUR MIND, OR A BLANK PIECE OF PAPER.  – put a notepad and pen near your bed.

If you feel like you’re still not cut out to make a blueprint for your amazing life & that creating a blueprint would take a lot of energy you don’t have. Just read these:

  • Living a life of “have-to” is draining.

  • We get tired without creativity or fulfillment.

  • We think our problem might be our relationship. We blame our job. We think this feeling has something to do with our geography, or because we need to exercise and eat better. It’s drinking, it has to be.

  • We talk about the past because we don’t know what present happiness looks like. We’re too removed. It’s been so long.

  • We buy things that give us a sense of leisure, comfort, or beauty, because we have lost the will to generate it on our own.

  • We buy tons of convenience products with the hopes that life will be made simpler and grant us extra time to rest, but do we ever rest? Do those items of convenience actually take care of our needs as they originally promised?

Do these sound familiar? Make your blue-print. This is your imprint. The impression you leave with yourself -in this short time you get to be alive.



#12steps #blueprint #healthylifestyle #blueprintforsuccess #direction #focus #goals #howtomakechanges #sacredgeometry #meditation #preparation #achievement # lifespurpose #vision #lifescalling #getfitwithtiff #mindbodyexchange #howto #selfimprovement #personalgrowth #healthiswealth #mindpower

How to SPRING into Action [May 1]

Life remembers all the things you do and don’t and she brings them back and then forces you to laugh at your own stupidity. You will have the same lesson over and over again until you learn it. The same things, crazy and strange things that at the time …are so crazy it seems like nothing like this has ever happened before or to anyone else, but in reality… this is not your first time on this ride, and all your besties know it.

Learning to Love yourselfis the definitionof change copyWhy don’t we learn the first time? Or any time after that? Why must we repeat these experiences? Why and how do we forget? When we get the message in the moment we are so clear and sure as we say to ourselves, “Never again will this sort of thing happen.” Then, all of a sudden you’re kind of back where you were, but not really.. but sort of… sure things are different but what’s actually different? Not much. The first emotion is mad, mad as hell. But then… We laugh. We cry. We over analyze. We stay distracted for as long as we can. We listen to the problems of other people. We try to motivate them to do something to feel better, to make a difference. We ruminate on what is ailing them and why this dilemma is happening to them in the first place. We compare our life to theirs and then we shit on ourselves for forgetting that we had our own problems to solve. 

This is the beginning of the complete examination of everything that has brought us to this moment and in one breath, maybe in the shower or during a commute, its non-stop and you don’t feel like you’re gonna make it.

So as not to be furthermore paralyzed by analysis. This is your brain. Not on drugs, just your regular every day brain.  “And why this and why that…” but then something else comes up:     You are alone.

God No! The horror! You can’t do this alone. You need to be next to someone, touching someone, smelling someone. Why should you not get all of these things and cum? You should cum as much as you physically can. Okay, so then you become aligned with another person. This other person is your friend. You laugh with them now. You cry with them now. They are your go-to human, your number 1 fan, your hero, everything you are into and want to be into. You collide and are physically changed. This happens without thinking. This is your body interacting with your spirit, chemically enhancing your senses and giving you access to love. It isn’t gay. It’s magic.

But what about you? You must not stop living for you, doing for you, trusting in you. You are not what this other person, who happens to always be around wants, needs, thinks of, and is entertained by. You are still committed to the one who came before them and by that I mean the pursuit of your extreme and infinite bliss: Your trial and error, your eternal evolution of what it means to be part of the Universe…. The Where, What, and How…of Being Alive.

  • Demand more from you. You can and will shock the shit out of yourself. Don’t look around what others are doing. Don’t wait for some app to tell you how you feel or what the latest trends are. Do not put yourself on the back burner. Answer the hard questions. Don’t cut corners. Put in the extra credit because investing in yourself is the most important thing you can ever do.
  • The more you share, the more you will know. You can only get what you give. Humans share problems and therefore share solutions. We all learn from mistakes, but they do not have to be our own. Once you “sign on” to the collective experience that we share here and engage in the lives around you, saying your insights out loud [what is true in your heart] is what grants you access to all other truths. Your connection to everyone around you is what keeps you alive.
  • Keep your word. Do as you say you do. Have the will to commit to your greatest challenge. Be the best human for human’s sake. Take pride in your integrity.
  • Find stillness/ silence so that you may hear your inner voice. This is your guide.
  • Fill your life with things that give back. Pursue your hobbies and interests. You are the greatest creator you haven’t yet met. Begin Now. Life is already waiting for you.

You are a satellite: a receiver and you soak in the sunshine and it radiates your insides. You are in harmony. You are not fixed. You are like a plant reaching for the sun, designed with your quirky particulars but grown with and for a magnificent purpose because you are connected to the unknown. Your insides, too, are like liquid, completely formless only to then bloom.

You are divine. Make this life as beautiful as possible.