Step 6: Contact

Your commitment to connecting to the people around you is a reflection of how you feel about yourself.

Character is made from yourself.

Reputation is what other people think of you.

You need contact with other people to build a character that doesn’t give a shit about reputation.

You willingness to see beyond the faults, choices, and habits of others is directly related to how well you accept the faults in your own existence.

In a single lifetime, we’re introduced to several different kinds of people. If we are true to ourselves and others, we can make each interaction a spiritual one. Find something to offer and/or something new to learn from these exchanges. Use them as opportunities to be present and connected so that you may see yourself in someone else. Pushing human contact and connection, friendly or romantic, away is dysfunctional, and has perhaps been imparted to you by someone else’s disaffection.

Connecting with others is natural. Wanting to prolong connection with someone is not a sign of weakness. Wanting to advance your current mode of contact into something more is not needy.

Things to do when you want to talk to someone.

1. Stop making a story about whether someone should call you first, or if it has been enough time to feel like you have the green light. This goes for both men and women. It does not limit your individuality or independence to reach out to someone. You should be secure in who you are that you can literally give pieces of you away as you are limitless.

2. Call them. A dial-pad is not a deadly weapon. Making someone’s phone ring is not a crime. Texting is not whole communication and you are not breaking a boundary just because you haven’t spoken on the phone yet. It never was and never will be despite how normalized it may have become in modern interactions.

3. The energetic exchange of human contact allows you to be vulnerable and you grants the person whom you are communicating with the chance to surrender and show themselves.

contact in body.jpg

Meaningful contact defines boundaries, breaks down walls, and is an opportunity for people to show themselves. But, when and how to reach out to someone is a huge point of contention for many people.

…”It’s been three days?”

“He still hasn’t responded…..”

“…..How could she like my post but not tell me about this weekend.”

Contact is a necessity for all, despite how this need looks different for each person. It is the only way we settle into stability if and when we are building trust with someone.

Choosing a mode of contact causes unnecessary stress and anxiety. Life is hard as it is. Don’t add this to the list. If you feel like offering a hug, do it. If you want to slip your hand into someone else’s, go for it. Stroke hair, brush a cheek. Your skin is the largest organ of the body and it responds to touch.

Human vibration is essential, like sunlight to a plant.

Ways you may be hindering your own growth or others by controlling and changing the nature of human contact.

1. You feel on the outside. No one gets you. These “outlier” feelings of alienating and are misguiding you. They are keeping you away from the healing vibrations of other humans. Don’t Do It. And don’t push this idea on someone else.

2. When you close yourself off from others, you close yourself off from what they know and think about, what they are creating and nurturing. You cannot be part of it nor can you share the things you know.

3. If the idea of others causes you to worry that they may interfere and negatively influence your relationship. I can share with you the age old wisdom, “To worry, is to suffer twice.”

If you are pushing people away and out of your life and demanding your significant other to isolate themselves so that you may gain confidence and security. Your fear is impairing you. Your insecurities are negatively impacting your partner’s sensibilities the power of your relationship will be diminished.


Santosha (Niyama #2)

Santosha –संतोष- Contentment. Being content is like almost being happy.

Or allowing yourself to be happy-ish, because there are literally thousands of things to be unhappy about, to work on, to analyze, to complain about, etc. Practicing Santosha is imagining for just a moment, every moment, that you love your life just because you get to live it. 

We have three critical pitfalls when it comes to contentment:

  • Thinking that happiness is a static emotion. It isn’t. It never was. Your reactions and choice to be happy is directly related to the weight you give events, things, people, factors in your life.
  • Creating unrealistic conditions by which you can feel and experience happiness. The modernity with which we live and the technology that has transformed our relations into more of a voyeur, where we consume others rather than know them, coupled by our multi-tasking and overloading of data can condition someone into thinking that they are so far from what, or who they “need” to be happy.
  • Attaching your happiness to something that is out of your control. You are not the job you wanted, nor are you the apartment you applied for, not the pimple on your nose, or the travel plans or relationship that fell apart. You were lucky to be part of or taken out of these temporary states of existence because it was the beauty of your unique path. With this practice you will find a deep sense of appreciation for just being.

Practicing Santosha is in part a process of surrendering.

No doubt there will be events that make you scream for joy, and cry with pain, but surrendering that these events are in a constant state of self-balancing will grant you an awareness of how lucky you are to include them all in your story.

Santosha is where life begins.